Pushing Through the Dilemma

Before the holidays, SSgt Steve placed me at a crossroads: Should I forget active duty, join the Reserves, or go home? I was left with a dilemma: to give up or try other ways. At first, the Reserves attracted me. I could be in uniform or civilian clothes, work close to home, and not have to go through the hassles and bustles of relocating every two and a half years, especially with six children. I spent many nights reflecting on what I truly wanted from this journey. The answer, though complex, always came back to one thing: service.

For me, serving is not just a job or a way to contribute—it is a commitment, a full investment of one's abilities, heart, and soul into a cause bigger than oneself, is something the military teaches us and I have done it for over 16 years with the former Afghan Army Aviation. I realized that the level of engagement and fulfillment I seek could not come from the Guard or Reserves. While they serve their purpose admirably, my heart was drawn to active duty—to fully embrace this calling.

As I wrestled with these thoughts, I shared them with Lt. Col (Ret) Will Selber, who reached out to his friends on Facebook, where I found Dustin, one of his trusted friends. Dustin walked me through the pros and cons of each option. He laid out the facts clearly, helping me align my aspirations with the realities of military life. Encouraged by our conversation, I decided to act.

This led me to make another phone call to a recruiter in Glen Burnie, Maryland, near where I work. SSgt Dean, an incredibly supportive recruiter, scheduled an appointment for me on the 12th of this month. She explained the process: I’d need to verify my initial scores at a military base, and if they were sufficient, I’d proceed directly to the medical examination. If not, I’d retake the ASVAB test.

What do all these mean to my readers? Last month, I visited Taipei, Taiwan, through the McCain Institute. Often, we open up to friends with whom we travel. She might have been the second or third person I speak candidly with about my life. Natalia, a classmate of mine at the institute from New Zealand, asked me, “What do you miss the most since the fall of Afghanistan to the Taliban,” when we were waking up at a mall in Taipei, I immediately responded, “Reading!” I explained how I wake up at 4:30 a.m., drive an hour from D.C. to near Baltimore for work, and work until 2 or 3 p.m. From there, I head to another shift that ends around 7:30 p.m. By the time I get home, it is 09:00 pm. I do not have time to read or spend quality time with my family. Although she could not advise on the family part, she did suggest something good for a reading alternative: Blinkist. An app that offers book summaries. While I don’t have the luxury of reading physical books like I once did, Blinkist offers me a way to keep learning.

Right after departing Steve’s meeting before the holidays, I listened to Creativity, Inc. by Ed Catmull. One idea struck a chord: when something isn’t working, retry, adapt, and look for alternatives. This resonated deeply. I have already realized that my journey with the Air Force won’t be straightforward. There will be setbacks, age-related challenges, and moments where the path would seem almost blocked. But every time, I must find a way to adapt, re-engage, and persevere. And that’s why I made this phone call to SSgt Dean. Her willingness to work through the age-related limitations reignited my hope.

And this hope reminds me that difficult moments will pass.

When I become an officer in the Air Force and thrive in my role, these days of uncertainty and struggle will become distant memories. People won’t see these countless hours of doubt, effort, and rejection; they will see the success, the commitment, and the triumph.

I’ve been through this cycle before—pushing through challenges that seemed insurmountable, only to emerge stronger and more focused. In those moments, it’s not just perseverance that keeps you going, but hope. Hope is the thread that connects where you are to where you’re meant to be.

And this isn’t just about me.

It’s about the future of the Air Force, too. In a time when recruitment numbers are faltering, stories like mine can inspire others to take up the mantle. The Air Force needs passionate individuals who are not only willing to serve but who view service as their life’s purpose. While I respect and appreciate the Army—I owe my pilot training to them—my passion has always been the Air Force. I believe in its mission, its innovation, and its ability to shape the future of defense and global stability. One more thing here: I want to help my 11-year-old daughter Aqsa to become an astronaut. I believe the Air Force will help me to help her reach her goal.[1]

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[1] If you are not reading my dauther’s blog, you are missing something meaningful in life: https://www.gcvfriends.com/s/whispers-of-aqsa.